Got Snatch? What’s All the Hoo-ha About Vaginas? Pulse Niagara Editorial
“Does the female form make you uncomfortable?� Maude Lebowski asks during a titillating scene in the movie The Big
Lebowski. “The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.� But it’s not just guys who can’t handle the snatch. Turns out,some women also have trouble relaxing around the word. The Vagina Monologues is the latest indignation driving
public censors crazy. The play, which examines women’s issues from the viewpoint of the vulva, has been boycotted, banned and,
in the case of one Florida theatre, strategically censored when the marquee sparked a few uncomfortable questions, resulting in a
name change to the less offensive, but equally difficult to explain, Hoo–hah Monologues. Of all people, it’s women who have the least to fear when it comes to their crotch. And yet, bring up the topic of vaginas and ladies everywhere suddenly clam up. What gives? “I don’t understand really what the whole hoopla is about being offended about something that you own,� Collette Kendall says. The Hamilton comedian, along with fellow funny lady Shannon Bell, will be performing in Stage West’s production of the
controversial play. “When you’re not allowed to talk about those ‘parts’, or have to be ashamed of those ‘parts’, it diminishes all of
us as a gender.� Despite vibrator parties taking over for the Tupperware shindigs of yesteryear, Kendall feels society continues to send women negative messages about their sexuality. “There are morality judgments made whenever a woman is the topic of the
conversation and her sexuality is in some ways embraced or expressed,� Kendall says. “We’re not supposed to talk about it.
That’s the message that we’re given.� Shannon Bell loves her vagina, but hates the term. “We’re
conditioned to think the word vagina is negative. It’s not a very attractive word.�
On stage, however, semantics are cast aside so she can become The Angry Vagina: a cooter that’s been poked, stuffed,
sprayed and shaved into an unrecognizable mound of fleshsanitized of its more primitive connotations. Bell says women
need to demand the same leeway men get when it comes to their private parts. “When do men ever get asked (if they embrace their sexuality)?� Bell asks, incredulously. The difference, she contends, is that men simply don’t make sexuality an issue.
“They’ll be standing at the bar and they’re all, ‘I’m going to go home and beat the bishop tonight,’� Bell observes. “We don’t
talk about that, certainly not as overtly as they do, and yet, why not? We should be as free to do that as much as men.�
Those on the right have blasted the pro–pudenda movement as a gateway drug to man–hating, lesbianism and unbridled
sexual licence. Women have also taken aim at the Vagina Monologues for reducing women to solely their genitals at the
expense of other attributes. Despite appearances, Julie Vanadis is definitely more than her genitals. Better known as the Vagina Lady, she’s made it a personal crusade to put women back in touch with their feminine
sides by trolling the San Francisco nightlife dressed as a giant vagina. For her, the reality behind the criticisms isn’t so easily
split.
“I don’t in general think that focusing on one detail has to take away from the larger whole,� Vanadis says. For her, there’s a
fundamental difference between women exploring what they’ve got and sexualizing femininity. “I think that (attitude) has a lot to
do with women being made to feel like they’re nothing more than a vagina, which is when people are looking for the vagina for
sexual pleasure.� Also baseless is the argument that vaginas, having one, touching one, or looking at one, will turn women into
uncontrollable Amazons. Equating vaginal knowledge with sexual treason is like telling men they’ll go gay if they touch their penis.
It’s fallacious logic. After all, masturbation hasn’t killed off the appetites of straight men for pussy. So why the double standard?
Vanadis says the boycotts and trash talk have more to do with insecurity than any sort of reasonable objection. “Perhaps the
right has fear of women exploring their own sexuality because once a woman does that, she becomes more in charge of her own
sexuality and she’s less easy to control.� If anything, vaginas need more, not less air time. Expanding
one’s knowledge only enhances physical, sexual and mental health, something that should be welcomed by women and their
partners, not discouraged. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.“Half of all the people in the world have a vagina,� Vanadis says. “They may as well not waste any time being alienated from
it.� P [SARAH VEALE]